On parenting...

I have been thinking a lot about parenting lately.

**DISCLAIMER**There are MANY styles of parenting. I am not talking about how any of you parent, so don't flatter yourself into think I'm talking about you, I am just evaluating my own parenting and posting it for my own posterity...feel free to skip this post...

I read this on my friends blog today:
In our day, many children grow up with distorted values because we as parents overindulge them. Whether you are well-to-do or, like most of us, of more modest means, we as parents often attempt to provide children with almost everything they want thus taking away from them the blessing of anticipating, of longing for something they do not have. One of the most important things we can teach our children is to deny themselves. Instant gratification generally makes for weak people. How many truly great individuals do you know who never had to struggle? ~Joe J. Christensen, “Greed, Selfishness, and Overindulgence,” Ensign, May 1999, 9~

It got me thinking, am I guilty of this? I think in this day and age, most kids are spoiled. Although, just yesterday, I got told that "You're the meanest mom." To me that means I'm doing my job. My job is to be a parent. Not a friend - although I'm hoping that I can be friends with my kids when they turn 20, and I have to do less 'parenting'.

I pulled out my dusty patriarchal blessing a few weeks ago, and was reminded, "Rear your children well, so others may enjoy them." Have I been doing that? I have really tried, as I think we all do. But I guess, only those of you who know my kids can answer this question.

I sleep train my kids. It's the best thing I have ever done for me or my kids. I read a book on how to do this when Kyle was a baby. Let's be honest, sleep training is the hardest thing any parent can do. In this book, it explains how detrimental sleep is to a child and how it will affect their sleep patterns for the rest of their life. As most parent knows, listening to a crying baby in the next room waiting for them to fall asleep is utter torture. You know they're not hurt, but if you just pick them up, they would be happy...I remember when I first did it with Kyle, I had to shut my bedroom door, turn on the TV, and call someone out of state I haven't talked to in a really long time, to try to distract myself from the crying. In the book, it says, no matter how long your child cries, you're not going to feed him poison.

The quote above got me thinking about this. While my kids are great sleepers now have I 'fed them poison' in other aspects of their life? I don't know. Probably. I guess I need to think about what my main goals of parenting are in order to decide this (these are not in any particular order).

1. Keep them safe. Easier said then done, but for the most part, I believe my children are definitely safe. (This is where my meanness comes into play.)

2. I want them to grow up and contribute to the world we live in. Be an active member of the community and to be good people.

3. I want them to know they are Children of God and that they have a divine calling in this world, to also become good parents and husbands and wives.

4. I want them to value their family.

5. I want them to know they are loved and to feel the love, but unfortunately right now, I am often the 'mean mom'. Hopefully when they are older, they will realize the extent of the actual love. Although, I think they feel they are loved, even being a 'mean mom'.

6. I want them to learn. Everything they can.

7. I want them to be happy. Not material happiness, but to be happy people.

8. I want them to find a husband/wife that they truly love. I want them to have happy marriages.

I am sure there are more, and I may add a few more as I ponder in the next few days.

I never posted about Christmas Day. There was a reason for this. We had a VERY meager Christmas. Our Christmases usually aren't huge anyways, because I have a husband who HATES holidays that require gifts. (That's another post in itself) With our car getting broken into, and having to buy a new microwave, we just didn't spend a lot of money. Our Christmas was ended up being fabulous. I refused to go anywhere on Christmas Day. Each of our kids got 1 toy. Which they played with ALL DAY! We spent time with each other, and welcomed extended family into our home, instead of going back and forth all day. For once, I actually enjoyed Christmas Day. It taught me that less really is more, and that spending the day together as a family outweighed any other presents that the kids could have gotten.

So, do I spoil my kids? Sure, we all do. There are people out there who spoil more than me, and less than me. My kids are spoiled in other ways - to which I am very grateful. They have GREAT Grandparents -who love them and want to spend time with them. The have the best dad ever. Troy is always happy to spend time with them. Take them to games, play sports with them, everything. He does it on his own a lot - and NEVER complains. Right after my eye surgery, he took all 4 kids by himself to a BYU Basketball game in Provo. Afterwards they stopped and got ice cream and brought some home for me.

So, yes, my kids are spoiled, and I am the LAST person to think I am a 'good parent' because deep down I know I could do better...but because I have some goals in my parenting that I really am striving for, I think we will all be okay...and if not, my kids will tell me all about it when they are 30, right?